Before we jump into one of my mind’s most recent wanderings, I want to share that I’m experimenting with filming a video version of me reading the current blog. Check it out here if you desire to watch and listen instead of read. And please share with others as it may serve.
Now, on we go. (I feel a bit like the trolley in Mr. Rogers heading off on the track. Toot toot!)
8 minutes. I am giving myself the 8 minutes of my daughter’s social studies video to tell you something.
So, what do I want to tell you?
I want to tell you that we are learning in our house. And I don’t just mean the kiddos in their school at home adventure.
We are re-remembering and seeing anew. How to support one another. How to listen to one another. How to see one another.
How to support ourselves. How to listen to ourselves. How to see ourselves.
We are discovering how deeply our big rocks are our big rocks. Togetherness, separateness, self reflection, humor, truth telling, surprise sharing, kindness giving, body moving, food preparation and – yes – indulgence as well.
Rest and move and Be and share.
We are learning how to support ourselves and one another in this sometimes paradise sometimes prison of a home.
It is a beautiful and gnarly thing.
I cannot speak for the other 4 members of my family. They are on their own journeys of which I will never fully understand the intricacies or impact of their experiences. But I can speak to what I know of my own.
What is most pivotal for me right now?
For me right now, I see all of the things that I typically define myself by. The list was two pages long in my journal this morning… a sampling follows here:
I am the one who needs lots of space.
I am the one who is fragile.
I am the one who feels a lot.
I am the one who is overwhelmed easily.
I am the one who can sit with others in their hard.
I am the one who takes care of others.
I am the planner.
I am the
My mind rips and wraps and builds this model of me. This thing that I perceive is so solid. The corners and edges built by my experiences and thoughts and beliefs. And my assuredness that I am not me without those corners and edges.
Why am I not me if I am not seeing many clients?
Why am I not me if I am not writing and sharing?
Why am I not me if I am yelling in parenting instead of being calm and clear?
Why am I not me if I get frustrated with my spouse instead of being understanding?
I am still me.
No matter the turns. No matter the twists. No matter the thoughts. No matter the convictions.
You are whole. I am whole.
We are whole.
Ruthie is done with her video now.
8 minutes is up.